Nerfing Assassination Rogues – An Overheard Conversation

Diary, things are a’changin!

The average Blizzard Forum Poster @ Rogues

As stated by numerous other bloggers and the amount of QQ I have seen on the official forums, ROGUE NERFS are back by popular demand, (demanded by other classes of course).  Rogues are OP!  Rogues do TOO much damage!  Rogues slap babies!  NERRRRRF em!

There has been an outcry over the past several days with claims of rogues out-DPSing other classes by sometimes more than 1000dps in some fights. 

Blizzard has heard the cries of the QQing masses and has swung the nerf bat once again!  Effective this past Thursday, they have reduced the damage bonus of HfB (Hunger for Blood) self-buff from 10% down to 5%, (which was just nerfed a few weeks back down from 15%). 

Masses rejoice… Assassination Rogues LAMENT!

 As with any argument, there are two sides. 

[Note: I have nothing against Retribution Paladins... in fact, my alt is a Paladin.. I am just picking representative classes to be a devil's advocates here.]

Setting:  A local Pub in your average Azerothian City

Retribution Paladin:  (Slamming his mug of nonalcoholic ale down to the hard wood of the table)  ”Rogues are so freaking OP!  I can’t out-damage you, so I am going to complain about it!”

Assassination Rogue: (looking up with surprise from his/her own drink) “I’m sorry you feel that way… maybe you should respec to a Holy Spec to heal… or to a Protection spec to tank… boy, just think how much it would suck if all you could DO was be a DPSer”.

Retribution Paladin: (rolling his/her eyes) “But I don’t have the gear for that… and I would have to respec, and I don’t want to… blah blah blah QQ QQ QQ”.

Fire Mage: (Yelling over from the next table) ”Yah, what about us other pure DPS classes?  You are consistently out damaging me on boss fights! No fair! Wahhh!!  :*(

Assassination Rogue: (Turning to the other table, apologetic) I’m sorry.  I just stab what I’m told to stab… wish I could stab multiple targets at once, that would be AWESOME… nerfed my FoK to heck a few patches ago, so AOE damage is laughable… must be nice to have a viable AOE damage option, (looks from the mage over at the warlock and the hunter sitting next to the door). 

Fire Mage: (with contempt) Whatever NOOB, L2Play.

Assassination Rogue: (with as much sympathy as he/she can muster) “It’s not like I don’t wish I even HAD other options to pursue.  Wish I  could buff a party… or had some type of viable CC or utility I could bring to a raid… but I feel your pain, I really do”. 

Raid Leader: (Walking by with a drink in each hand, overhearing the commotion)  Oh, on that topic, rogue, we won’t be needing you in the raid tonight… with the nerf your class just had, I really don’t have any other need for you.  We REALLY need either really strong DPS or some good CC to get through this tough, new content. 

Assassination Rogue:  (getting a bit more upset now) “How can I give you high DPS when I keep getting nerfed, and when the stupid Protection Warrior keeps switching targets over and over during every pull to try to keep aggro?  I keep building up like 2 Combo Points and then have to start all again!   And by the time he/she gets back to tanking the original mob, the sucker is already dead from the crazy AOE being done from the back row!  And how am I suppose to contend with all the ranged CC’s available to other classes when I have to sneak around getting within inches of mobs to sap them?!  ARRG!!

Raid Leader:  (dismissively) Thems the breaks, kid.  Better luck next time

Combat Rogue: (yelling from some unknown location in the pub) “Hey! We can too stab multiple targets!  I mean… we can!

Assassination Rogue:  (in exasperation) “You’re serious…?”

Combat Rogue:  (in the most noobish fashion possible) Well yah… Blade Flurry and Killing Spree FTWOMGBBQ!  I mean… yah, i can only do it once every like 2-3 minutes for 15 seconds… ANYWAYS  Yay! Finally Combat Rogues pull a little closer to the WAY OP Mutilate Spec’ed rogue! ”

Assassination Rogue:  (dejectedly, to self)  Maybe I should just go back to PVP and forget the whole damn thing…

A sad scene it’s true…  I purpose the following changes to the rogue class if we are going to be continually nerfed for pure DPS as a whole to get to that special “balance” that Blizz is forever chasing with their class tweaks.

1.  Stop Nerfing FoK - we have the weakest AOE damage option of all the pure DPS classes.  Trash Mobs and multiple targets… watch out!

2.  Give us a VIABLE ranged CC - I don’t know, I mean it seems pretty anti-rogue to give us a ranged CC, (I mean, I guess Blind is kinda like a CC that is ranged, but it is pretty limited as far as how close you have to be, and the time that it is active is MUCH less than comparable spells by mages/priests/shammys etc.).  I’m thinking maybe a crazy green lightning bolt that shoots out and turns the mob into a little old lady with a purse that wanders around aimlessly… since rogues are constantly stealing from the poor and innocent anyways.

3.  Give us a group buff! -  We are like, one of the ONLY freaking classes that don’t have a group buff… give us like a bonus damage to all party members or something… put it in the talent tree, something!

4.  Bulldozer Rogues - since the brothers of the shadows could never in anyone’s wildest dreams be called on in any way, shape, or form be called to do anything BENEFICIAL to other classes like heal, (how would THAT work), let us wear toughened leather or something with added armor and let us get beat on as a tank… not like we’re not already getting a beating as it is from all the other classes…  (everyone wins! more tanks for raiding, LFG times go down, rogues are useful, yay!)

Dr. Zoidberg. Awesome MS PAINT modifications of conceptual tanking rogue courtesy Elentari.

And Diary, since I now you were concerned, the question remains:    How did the rogue from the bar fair after not getting into that raid?  Saw him walking around with Topper McNabb in SW yelling “Open your lockboxes for a copper, sire?”  At least he found something his class could do that was unique.

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